Strange, Rare Thing

Something happened to me this week which has only happened to me once before in my entire life.  Experts tell parents to do it ALL the time, but we never heed their advice.  I've never done it, but know it should be done.  People who do it usually feel very weird about doing it. 

What is this thing?  Talking to parents about guns in their homes.

Twice in my life I've had parents ask me if we had guns in our house.  Each time I am shocked at the courage it took her to ask another me.  Not because I was personally offended, but because I was proud they had the moxie to ask.

We don't have guns in our house.  It's our personal decision.  We know people have them and we are proud to live in a country where that is your personal freedom.  The thing is that people don't talk about guns.  I'm not sure if it is because they are afraid of offending their friends or something else.  Of all of my friends I only know of one family who has a gun in their house, but I am sure there are many, many more.

Every year, children are tragically killed by gun accidents.  Most could have been prevented if parents did a better job of securing the guns.  I consider myself fortunate to not know someone who this has personally affected, but will I be able to say that throughout my life?  I certainly hope so.

We should talk to other parents about guns in houses for the safety of our children, but I'm not sure if it will matter.  Lots of research has been done that parents can talk until they are blue in the face about not playing with guns and children will still do it.  Which leaves it up to the parents to keep their guns safe.  It guess that's where it gets tricky and parents are afraid of offending one another.  What is the definition of a safe gun where children play?

When the mom of one of Lance's friends asked me about guns in our home in an email, I complimented her in person for being so courageous.  She apologized for being "over protective" and even said, "I know you're an Obama girl but I thought I'd ask."  In the conversation, I asked her what she would do if I said I did.  She hesitated for a moment and said she would have asked me if they were safely locked away.

Again, what is safe?

Ultimately it's a matter of comfort for me.  If I am comfortable with trusting the parents with the care of my children, then I should trust them with gun safety in their home.

Does that mean I shouldn't ask the question?  Probably not.  Does this mean I will ask the question? I will try.

This is not meant to be an anti-gun message, for I agree that guns have a place in this world.  I just think there should be a better dialogue between parents about this issue.

Before someone else gets hurt.

Another Lesson Learned

Victorious Kyle!

I take the events in my children's lives seriously.  I revel in their victories and ache in their defeats.  I live vicariously through my children, it's true.  I speak this more as a confession, but know I am in good company.  There are many things in my life I wish I had done differently or had the opportunity to do and so we work hard to expose our children to many things.

I realize today we have gone overboard.  We pushed Kyle to play lacrosse this spring, even though he told us he would much rather play baseball.  We reasoned he has good stick skills and we have good connections with Steve being on the Board.  We didn't think about Kyle.  We didn't think about his lack of aggression in an older age bracket and his sensitivity to failure.  We put him out there on the field with good stick skills, but no drive.  He didn't want to "take the guy out" and sure as heck didn't want to get "taken out."

So he took the path of least resistance, showing up for practices and games but no enthusiasm.  He got beat up by the opponents and by his teammates for being a pansy.  Sometimes he would say something to us and other times he wouldn't.  My heart ached as I watched this, my sweet little boy being bullied by those jerks!

Today it hit me why my I took it so personally, this was my fault.  Kyle didn't want to be out there, but he was trying to please us.  Kyle isn't an aggressive warmonger and that's okay.  Lacrosse may not be the sport for him, he will move on and find his niche.  He loves baseball and will do that in the fall.  He's starting karate and wants to try Cub Scouts.  He's not quitting, just changing.

As a parent, I need to let go a little of living through my children.  It's a hard lesson to learn and one I will need to be reminded of from time to time.  I will always encourage my children to do their best.  For their benefit, not mine.

Graduation Day!

Lance and his teacher on a nature field trip last week.

My little Lance graduated from preschool last night.  As we were driving to the event, I was telling Lance how lucky he was to get to wear a "motor board."  I mean, I have only gotten to wear one three times, when I was graduating from high school, college, and with my Master's degree.  So it's kinda a big deal.  (Actually this was a little bit of brain-wrenching, trying to make sure he didn't have a fit over wearing the hat.  You probably need to know Lance to understand that.)

I still can't understand why preschools do it...a graduation.  Ours was a little over the top with diplomas and singing.  At the end, they had a very cute slideshow of the graduates with their teachers and friends, all set to tear-jerking songs like "Over the Rainbow".  As I held one of my little babies in my lap, I wept.  Lost time.  Lost childhood.  Lost dad who wasn't here to enjoy it.  I held on to my baby tight and kissed her sweet head while watching pictures of the preschoolers enjoying themselves, grateful for my children and their happiness.

I guess that's why they do it, those silly over the top graduations, to make us realize how lucky we are.  Childhood is so special, and time really does fly.  Enjoy the moments and celebrate!  You're only a child once.

As I take a break from the endless chore of cleaning my house, I have begun to realize something.  It comes from my a line from my new Darius Rucker CD, though I'm not much of a country music fan, "it won't be like this for long."

We were supposed to have guests last night, which turned into a postponement until tonight.  We are having guests tomorrow as well.  Each of these events either have already or will turn me into a cleaning machine.  While it is not the most glamourous job, I suppose it is something I am good at.  I get a lot of practice.

So I will clean my house for our friends tonight and I will clean my house for our friends tomorrow.  Vacuum, mop, wipe and pick up, though not necessarily in that order.

How can we be so messy?

It's 8:58 on Monday morning.  I've been up for more than three hours and can only thank my dear friend and her lovely gift of german chocolate coffee for any remaining sanity.  The babies were both up before 6:00, Kate enjoying the wee hours of the morning a little before Luke, but both were up way too early for me!

By 8:00, the big boys were off to school, I had downed my umpteenth cup of joe, Lance was still asleep, the babies were ready for a nap, and I needed a shower (and a bit of peace and quiet).  8:45- babies sleeping, Sarah showered, more coffee....oops!  Forgot to wake Lance!  We are going to be REALLY late for his 9:00 start of school.

This used to bother me.  I hated being late and was annoyed when others were late.  It drove me crazy!  I thought it was one of the most disrespectful thing to have someone wasting their time waiting for you.  I still feel this way, really I do.  People shouldn't have to wait on me and I try really hard to be on time for most things.

Except when babies are sleeping.

I am a firm believer in the old adage to "let sleeping babies lie."  As a rule, it would just about take a natural disaster before I wake my babies.  This especially holds true if they are both sleeping.  Unfortunately this is such a rare occurrence I don't have to grapple with the decision often.

So, Miss Jackie and Miss Julia, some of my favorite teachers in the world...I'm really sorry for having you wait on me.  I appreciate all you do for my little boy every day as I know he can be challenging sometimes.  We'll be there as soon as we can.

As soon as the babies wake up!

Bountiful?

I am attempting my first vegetable garden this year.  I've always dreamed of a garden, ever since I would watch our neighbor in his backyard carefully tending to his crop with eventual armloads of veggies throughout the summer.  I have planned this garden and its contents for many years.  Finally we have a yard big enough to hold my garden and a family of kids who love to play in the dirt.  Let's till!

About six weeks ago, we planned the garden out.  We borrowed a tiller from a friend and Steve started her up.  The Steve/Tiller team fought and fought through inches of clay and rock, while the boys and I had the job of pulling out the rocks and grass. Despite being more interested in the worms we were disturbing, the boys were able to get many rocks out.  Here is a look of the pile:

There is one rock which took more teamwork than Steve/Tiller.  We had to call in the second-string pry bar and shovel team for a super-big one.  The boys think it looks like a step from an old house, I think it looks like a perfect stone to decorate and place in the garden.  Here it is:

After careful consideration, and a couple of chomps from our local bunny, we have a completed garden.  Well, almost completed.  I am still waiting for a delivery of strawberry plants and blueberry and raspberry bushes.  We've planted heirloom tomatoes, corn, zucchini, red peppers, broccoli (only because they look so awesome when planted), pumpkins, cabbage (a gift from Kyle), cukes, and yellow-fleshed watermelon.

It looks like an unassuming pile of dirt right now, I know.  It will be a miracle if it all makes it past the bunny, but I figure he's gotta eat too!  Come around mid-summer, fingers crossed there will be a bounty of veggies and fruits for us to share!

A Camaraderie of Multiples

I am a mom of multiples.  It's true, I do have twins.  However I don't think it makes me the foremost expert on multiples.  Recent news has made moms of multiples the talk of the town, so I suppose being a mom of multiples puts me...where?  I don't know.  Certainly not in the headlines and certainly not the talk over dinner, but somehow people have related me to these stories.  I am asked all the time, usually by strangers who see me with the babies, how I feel about the "Octo-Mom" or "Jon and Kate Plus Eight."

  

I am not a gossip girl.  I'm not into celebrities or gossip.  I read the paper in the morning to keep up to date with national and local news, politics, and my daily suduko.  I glance at the section informing me who was seen out in DC, but mainly so I know what places are hot to eat.  (Hello Georgia Browns!  Love those crab cakes!)  I don't really care about celebrities, as obvious by my last post and not knowing Naomi from Tyra, and certainly am not intrigued by stories with "shock-value".

But since you asked...  

Here's the thing that bothers me about these two stories in particular.  Octo-Mom and Jon and Kate have families, families with A LOT of children.  Their families are fragile, just as any one else's, but even more so because they are under public scrutiny.  Whether or not they put themselves in these predicaments doesn't really matter to me.  What matters is the integrity of their family, a safe and loving environment for the children.  I don't know if either of the parents in these families are giving the children all they can, but I have to believe they are doing the best they can.

I think I am a good mom.  I have my moments, but most of the time I am proud of what I do and how we are raising our children.  However, I can say for certain that I would not be able to hold up while under the public eye.  No one is perfect.  I do the best I can with what I've got.  I learn.  I move on.

Maybe these parents made some bad decisions.  Maybe they shouldn't have been seeking the spotlight so much.  Who knows?  Who cares?  What matters now is how the public reacts or doesn't react.  The families deserve better than being smeared all over the internet, the children deserve better.

But what do I know?  I'm just a mom of twins.