Another Lesson Learned

Victorious Kyle!

I take the events in my children's lives seriously.  I revel in their victories and ache in their defeats.  I live vicariously through my children, it's true.  I speak this more as a confession, but know I am in good company.  There are many things in my life I wish I had done differently or had the opportunity to do and so we work hard to expose our children to many things.

I realize today we have gone overboard.  We pushed Kyle to play lacrosse this spring, even though he told us he would much rather play baseball.  We reasoned he has good stick skills and we have good connections with Steve being on the Board.  We didn't think about Kyle.  We didn't think about his lack of aggression in an older age bracket and his sensitivity to failure.  We put him out there on the field with good stick skills, but no drive.  He didn't want to "take the guy out" and sure as heck didn't want to get "taken out."

So he took the path of least resistance, showing up for practices and games but no enthusiasm.  He got beat up by the opponents and by his teammates for being a pansy.  Sometimes he would say something to us and other times he wouldn't.  My heart ached as I watched this, my sweet little boy being bullied by those jerks!

Today it hit me why my I took it so personally, this was my fault.  Kyle didn't want to be out there, but he was trying to please us.  Kyle isn't an aggressive warmonger and that's okay.  Lacrosse may not be the sport for him, he will move on and find his niche.  He loves baseball and will do that in the fall.  He's starting karate and wants to try Cub Scouts.  He's not quitting, just changing.

As a parent, I need to let go a little of living through my children.  It's a hard lesson to learn and one I will need to be reminded of from time to time.  I will always encourage my children to do their best.  For their benefit, not mine.

Graduation Day!

Lance and his teacher on a nature field trip last week.

My little Lance graduated from preschool last night.  As we were driving to the event, I was telling Lance how lucky he was to get to wear a "motor board."  I mean, I have only gotten to wear one three times, when I was graduating from high school, college, and with my Master's degree.  So it's kinda a big deal.  (Actually this was a little bit of brain-wrenching, trying to make sure he didn't have a fit over wearing the hat.  You probably need to know Lance to understand that.)

I still can't understand why preschools do it...a graduation.  Ours was a little over the top with diplomas and singing.  At the end, they had a very cute slideshow of the graduates with their teachers and friends, all set to tear-jerking songs like "Over the Rainbow".  As I held one of my little babies in my lap, I wept.  Lost time.  Lost childhood.  Lost dad who wasn't here to enjoy it.  I held on to my baby tight and kissed her sweet head while watching pictures of the preschoolers enjoying themselves, grateful for my children and their happiness.

I guess that's why they do it, those silly over the top graduations, to make us realize how lucky we are.  Childhood is so special, and time really does fly.  Enjoy the moments and celebrate!  You're only a child once.

As I take a break from the endless chore of cleaning my house, I have begun to realize something.  It comes from my a line from my new Darius Rucker CD, though I'm not much of a country music fan, "it won't be like this for long."

We were supposed to have guests last night, which turned into a postponement until tonight.  We are having guests tomorrow as well.  Each of these events either have already or will turn me into a cleaning machine.  While it is not the most glamourous job, I suppose it is something I am good at.  I get a lot of practice.

So I will clean my house for our friends tonight and I will clean my house for our friends tomorrow.  Vacuum, mop, wipe and pick up, though not necessarily in that order.

How can we be so messy?

It's 8:58 on Monday morning.  I've been up for more than three hours and can only thank my dear friend and her lovely gift of german chocolate coffee for any remaining sanity.  The babies were both up before 6:00, Kate enjoying the wee hours of the morning a little before Luke, but both were up way too early for me!

By 8:00, the big boys were off to school, I had downed my umpteenth cup of joe, Lance was still asleep, the babies were ready for a nap, and I needed a shower (and a bit of peace and quiet).  8:45- babies sleeping, Sarah showered, more coffee....oops!  Forgot to wake Lance!  We are going to be REALLY late for his 9:00 start of school.

This used to bother me.  I hated being late and was annoyed when others were late.  It drove me crazy!  I thought it was one of the most disrespectful thing to have someone wasting their time waiting for you.  I still feel this way, really I do.  People shouldn't have to wait on me and I try really hard to be on time for most things.

Except when babies are sleeping.

I am a firm believer in the old adage to "let sleeping babies lie."  As a rule, it would just about take a natural disaster before I wake my babies.  This especially holds true if they are both sleeping.  Unfortunately this is such a rare occurrence I don't have to grapple with the decision often.

So, Miss Jackie and Miss Julia, some of my favorite teachers in the world...I'm really sorry for having you wait on me.  I appreciate all you do for my little boy every day as I know he can be challenging sometimes.  We'll be there as soon as we can.

As soon as the babies wake up!

Bountiful?

I am attempting my first vegetable garden this year.  I've always dreamed of a garden, ever since I would watch our neighbor in his backyard carefully tending to his crop with eventual armloads of veggies throughout the summer.  I have planned this garden and its contents for many years.  Finally we have a yard big enough to hold my garden and a family of kids who love to play in the dirt.  Let's till!

About six weeks ago, we planned the garden out.  We borrowed a tiller from a friend and Steve started her up.  The Steve/Tiller team fought and fought through inches of clay and rock, while the boys and I had the job of pulling out the rocks and grass. Despite being more interested in the worms we were disturbing, the boys were able to get many rocks out.  Here is a look of the pile:

There is one rock which took more teamwork than Steve/Tiller.  We had to call in the second-string pry bar and shovel team for a super-big one.  The boys think it looks like a step from an old house, I think it looks like a perfect stone to decorate and place in the garden.  Here it is:

After careful consideration, and a couple of chomps from our local bunny, we have a completed garden.  Well, almost completed.  I am still waiting for a delivery of strawberry plants and blueberry and raspberry bushes.  We've planted heirloom tomatoes, corn, zucchini, red peppers, broccoli (only because they look so awesome when planted), pumpkins, cabbage (a gift from Kyle), cukes, and yellow-fleshed watermelon.

It looks like an unassuming pile of dirt right now, I know.  It will be a miracle if it all makes it past the bunny, but I figure he's gotta eat too!  Come around mid-summer, fingers crossed there will be a bounty of veggies and fruits for us to share!

A Camaraderie of Multiples

I am a mom of multiples.  It's true, I do have twins.  However I don't think it makes me the foremost expert on multiples.  Recent news has made moms of multiples the talk of the town, so I suppose being a mom of multiples puts me...where?  I don't know.  Certainly not in the headlines and certainly not the talk over dinner, but somehow people have related me to these stories.  I am asked all the time, usually by strangers who see me with the babies, how I feel about the "Octo-Mom" or "Jon and Kate Plus Eight."

  

I am not a gossip girl.  I'm not into celebrities or gossip.  I read the paper in the morning to keep up to date with national and local news, politics, and my daily suduko.  I glance at the section informing me who was seen out in DC, but mainly so I know what places are hot to eat.  (Hello Georgia Browns!  Love those crab cakes!)  I don't really care about celebrities, as obvious by my last post and not knowing Naomi from Tyra, and certainly am not intrigued by stories with "shock-value".

But since you asked...  

Here's the thing that bothers me about these two stories in particular.  Octo-Mom and Jon and Kate have families, families with A LOT of children.  Their families are fragile, just as any one else's, but even more so because they are under public scrutiny.  Whether or not they put themselves in these predicaments doesn't really matter to me.  What matters is the integrity of their family, a safe and loving environment for the children.  I don't know if either of the parents in these families are giving the children all they can, but I have to believe they are doing the best they can.

I think I am a good mom.  I have my moments, but most of the time I am proud of what I do and how we are raising our children.  However, I can say for certain that I would not be able to hold up while under the public eye.  No one is perfect.  I do the best I can with what I've got.  I learn.  I move on.

Maybe these parents made some bad decisions.  Maybe they shouldn't have been seeking the spotlight so much.  Who knows?  Who cares?  What matters now is how the public reacts or doesn't react.  The families deserve better than being smeared all over the internet, the children deserve better.

But what do I know?  I'm just a mom of twins.

My friend Kathleen lives in Alabama.  It's far, much too far to see her very often, so it is always a treat when we plan to see each other.  This past weekend was one of those weekends and I had been counting down the months, weeks, days, and hours until I saw her.  We both were anticipating a wonderful weekend of relaxation, talking, drinking, and talking.  It was going to be fabulous!

And it was.  We relaxed and drank and shopped and talked and drank and talked and walked and shopped and talked and drank and ate and talked.  I came home completely refreshed, having learned a couple of things on the way:

• There are a lot of people in airports.  None of them look like Kathleen.
• Just because a person has braces, doesn't mean they don't look younger.  They certainly shouldn't ask if the "mother and daughter" are here for their pedicure either!
• You actually can walk out of a J. Crew store without buying anything.
• When your favorite pair of jeans is on sale, it means they don't have your size.
• Walking all over town doesn't seem that far when your mouth is moving too.
• Walking all over DC doesn't seem that far either when your mouth is moving.
• Breasts on women over the age of 25 look better covered.  Pasties should also not be attempted over this age.  (I was hoping to catch a glance of Barack Obama while at the White House, not elderly nudists.)
• People with medical emergencies sometimes just need CIA hats to cure them.
• Feather beds are a luxury, and some luxury hotels don't have them.
• Margaritas are not created equally.
• In person, I cannot tell the difference between Tyra Banks and Naomi Campbell.
• A TV can be hidden in a mirror.
• Hangovers are not my friend.  Thankfully neither was the ice bucket sitting next to me.
• Six dollar cups of coffee does not taste better.  It leaves very bitter taste in your mouth when you see free coffee in the lobby later.
• Saying good bye is never easy.
• Steve and Tory deserve tremendous credit for giving us a weekend pass for Mother's Day.

I feel very lucky to have a friend like Kathleen.  She is someone who has only been my friend for about four years, but knows me better than many friends who have known me for twenty-four years.   She gives me great advice, calls me out when I get a little rattled, and will talk to me for hours.  I look forward to the next time I see her, even if she can't commit!

Fighting to Lose!

Steve and I are very competitive.  We have been competitive since we were in high school, trying to vie for the best grade in our geeky computer science class.  I think it's what turned the corner for us from "friends" into "going out".  He still brings up that I got an A on my final project which didn't even work.  Thanks Mr. Stover!

So here we are almost twenty years and five kids later.  We're still pretty much the same people, but a little wider in the beam than we once were (his skinny time in high school and mine after Trent's birth).  We still have the same competitive nature which brought me to my idea.  We will compete to see who can lose the most weight (percentage-wise, of course).

We made up a spreadsheet (thanks Mr. Stover!) and are writing down every day our weight.  Although we have only been doing it since the weekend, it has really brought out some funny moments already.  As the grocery buyer I constantly threaten to buy Oreos and Swiss Cake Rolls which are Steve's weakness, and he gives me funny looks when I order water with lemon at restaurants.  He constantly reminds me how much easier I have it because I don't have as much weight to lose and I tell him he has it much easier because there are so many more ways for him to modify his diet.  It's all in good nature and hopefully will be successful in our endeavor to lose weight.

The kids are in on it too, I have one cheerleader and Steve has two.  Either way if we lose any weight, we both win.

Final check-in is in five weeks.  I'll keep you posted.