Blossoming Silence

I was sitting in the Quaker Meeting House yesterday morning enjoying the silence.  It really is quite peaceful to sit there with about 50 other people in complete silence.  Well, almost complete silence.

As I sat there in peace, I realized I was actually listening.  Sounds...lots of them...echoing in my ears.  But not the sounds you would expect.

When we were contemplating going to the Friends' Meeting House and talking to many people about it, the one thing people always mentioned was the clock.  A beautiful wooden clock hanging on the wall with a very loud tick-tock.  The clock can be maddening for some, but for me it brings much peace.  It reminds me of the steady passing of time, the heartbeat of this building and the history within.

The first time I attended a Meeting, I was struck less by the expected clock but more by the crackle of the fire in the fireplace.  The steady ticking of the clock accompanied by the random crackle of the fire were wonderful ambiance to the peaceful silence.

Yesterday I was struck by another sound, a sound which made me so happy I wanted to stand and dance (not a very popular move during the silent worship).  Birds!  Singing!  Outside!  Yippee!  Spring is here!

The sounds of the birds singing made me smile and I began thinking.  The "silence of sounds" is beginning to feel like a springtime blossom to me, opening slow and steady with a big finale.

Maybe that's the point, my journey down the road to Quakerism is meant to be slow and steady.  I will not become a Quaker overnight, it will take years to adjust to the Testimonies of Peace, Simplicity, Equality, and Integrity.  Personal challenges of becoming a more compassionate and caring person, along with letting go of some of my biases and material "wants".

With the work I have to do, I may be a later bloomer!

Easter Idea

Easter is just around the corner and I can't wait, another step closer to my beloved Spring!


Filling the Easter baskets, however, isn't my favorite thing to do as a parent.  There is so much candy out there to enjoy (jellybeans, Peeps, and those wonderful Reese's eggs!), but I like to put a couple of things in there to replace some of the multitudes of candy.  This year my bigger kids are going to be surprised with these:

They come is a cute tin box and inside are plastic stencils to make funny faces and animals.  I lucked out and found another one in the same kind of box with spirograph-type activities too:

Tell the Easter Bunny he can find them at  www.uncommongoods.com  Love that place for unusual gifts!

Happy Easter!

Heaven?

Lance: Mom when I die, I know where I'm going.

Me: Heaven?

Lance: No, Target.  They have lots of toys so it's like heaven and I'll get to see you there a lot.

Me: True, Honey.  Very true.

(This marks my 100th post!  WOW!)

Struggling for the Right Currency

Usually I write things I am happy about, proud of, or little things I find funny.  Sometimes writing helps me to wrap my head around things and put it all into perspective.  Today I am writing to sort out my mind with the goal that maybe I will actually be able to sleep tonight.

I am a stay at home mom, I take pride in my children, my home, the food I cook, and even the laundry (see last post), and I feel very fortunate we are able to have me at home.  Recently, however, I am feeling quite humble and in need of resources on how to handle my eight year-old.  I am not being the mom I want to be to him, nor my other children because this has been such an ordeal.

Trent is a wonderful kid and I love him to my core.  At school, he excels in without effort, has many friends, and is polite around others.  We are very proud of him, but at home I am finding myself left with feelings of frustration, sadness, and anger.  Trent is not the same boy he is when he is at school.  I have always noticed a huge power struggle between him and his brothers to become "alpha male," but the difference with Trent is he does whatever it takes to win.  He will say mean things, become physical, or steal things away, just to have the upper hand.   It causes a lot of conflict between him and his older and younger brother.

My struggle with Trent is his total disregard for his misplaced belongings.  His room has never been tidy and we have always had to remind him to clean up after himself, but recently it's been more than that.  Shoes in the middle of the room or milk left out may not seem like much, but when it is compounded by the backpack and jacket left in the foyer and a crumpled up cracker on the counter (for no particular reason than "it was there") I get very frustrated.

It feels personal, though I know it's not.  I don't think Trent is intentionally leaving his things around with malice, knowing it will drive me crazy.  I have resorted to taking his things and hiding them or just throwing them away.  Yesterday I took out his homework from his backpack and hid it from him and gave it back to him once he returned from school in the afternoon.  Within ten minutes, the backpack was still left in the family room, along with his alternative bag which held the next day's homework.  I took away everything, hoping it will make a bigger impact since the last punishment didn't seem to work.

With five kids and being a former special education teacher, I have a lot of tricks up my sleeve.  My friends come to me asking for advice on discipline and my usual response is to find some "currency" which is important to the child.  This is a struggle for me with Trent.  The loss of TV or video games doesn't seem to effect him, the loss of friends to come over is pointless because there is always someone to play with here and Trent likes to be alone a lot.

I think the currency for Trent is the "cool factor," he needs to be cool.  My internal struggle is how do I punish my son and still have him maintain his self-confidence and still have me maintain the loving and nurturing mother I want to be?  How do I take away an element of cool without taking away a piece of him I can never get back?  How do I teach him respect and kindness with respect and kindness?

My Obsession

Okay, here's a crazy thing about me...

I am in love with laundry.

It's a good thing I am so obsessed with this chore.  With my three adventurous boys and my two year-old twins, one who can't eat a raisin without making a mess and the other who decided months ago she was potty-trained but has had on three pairs of pants today (in addition my second outfit due to an extremely unfortunate episode at the bus stop this morning), I have a lot of laundry to do.

Surely I would much rather be sitting poolside with a cocktail and a good book or watching American Idol (go Lee!), but my fantasies of laundry fairies haven't appeared yet and the piles keep piling up.  I hate the piles...darks...lights...whites...bleh!  They accumulate on my bathroom floor a day after I have done every dirty stitch in the house because our hamper just isn't big enough.

Laundry is almost a daily chore for me.  I do two or three loads every day and about ten loads on "laundry day" which is about once a week.  I find myself obsessing about it, often wanting to put cute status updates on my Facebook and Twitter accounts.  Thankfully, I am sane enough to realize how uncool and unsexy it would be and hold back.  Must give the impression of cool and sexy!

I think the reason I like laundry is it's the only thing around I have to tend to which will wait for me.  It doesn't say no.  It doesn't scream my name needing attention.  It can be ignored once in a while, always being there when I'm ready for it.  I like the fresh, clean smells of the warm clothes as they come out.  I also like the challenge of the stubborn stain, mixing up concoctions to see if they come out.  I'm particular about my laundry too, making faces at my husband if he even opens the cabinet where I keep my laundry supplies.

It's a crazy obsession, but it works for me.  Now if only I could get obsessed with the sink load of dishes waiting for me.

Any dish fairies out there??

Religious Education - Part 3

Home

This is going to be the hardest part of "Religious Education" to write and I'm still trying to wrap my head around it fully.  The reason it has taken me so long to finish is I wanted to make sure we told our parents instead of springing this upon them through the internet.  Maybe it's not such a big deal to most people and I'm making much more of their reactions than necessary.  It's really all I can think about, the comfort and gut-feeling this is where we belong, so it feels big than life to me.  So here goes:

We are starting to attend a Quaker/Friends Church...ahem, Meeting House.  We made our decision after a lot of soul-searching, research and talking to friends who are Quakers.  I am hesitant to talk about this because Quakers are a very enigmatic group.  Really, I had never known any Quakers or heard anything about them other than eating Quaker Oatmeal for breakfast.

There are many differences between a Protestant Church and a Friends' Meeting House, so let me give a brief synopsis.  Quakers are Christians, but they believe each of us has a Divine Spirit within.  When attending a Meeting for Worship, the service is mainly silent (no preacher) with the occasional interjection from a member of the congregation who feels moved to speak possibly by the the Divine Spirit within.  Only one person spoke last week, she had no script or paper to read from but the words which flowed out her mouth were like poetry.  Lovely!

Quakers live with four Testimonies, sort of like a creed.  The four testimonies are: the Testimony of Peace, the Testimony of Equality, the Testimony of Simplicity, and the Testimony of Integrity/Truth.  If you would like to read more about Quakers, check out Wikipedia: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quakers

The single most thing which has struck me has been how well the Testimonies mesh with our values.  The silence can be a little intimidating, especially for us with five children, but it is actually very peaceful.  How many of us wouldn't love to have an hour of silence in a gorgeous room filled your family and friends without a sink load of dishes or dirty laundry hovering over us?

The greatest joy is how the children enjoy going to Meeting, much more than any other Sunday School they attended.  There is a children's program which begins after the first 15 minutes of the silence.  They learn lessons on empathy and cooperation, using activities, Bible verses and other religious writings and to expand the lesson.  Our oldest son, whom we lovingly refer to as "Kyro the Pyro," especially loves the fireplace burning in the First Day School room.

This has been a life-changing decision for me, but a will probably evolve as we experience and adjust to the Quaker life.  As Steve said, it feels "weird" to say we are Quakers...much like we are in a cult or something.  We have attended only twice but it feels more like home each time, I think it will take a long time to be comfortable calling ourselves Quaker.

I look forward to sharing our journey with you.

Progress!

Just wanted to update you on our latest progress on the basement.  I say "our", but I really mean Steve.  He has been busting tail to get it so that we can at least start moving furniture and boxes into the space.  Maybe by the spring equinox (happy birthday Joyce!), I will have my car back in the garage.  Ironic considering the winter we've had!  Here are the highlights (i.e. my favorite parts):

 

The bathroom.  He needs to tile the shower area and then the plumber can come and hook up everything.

The entrance from the foyer into our basement.  We decided to go with a paned window so people realized the stairs were right there.  It kind of opens it up a little in there as well.

This is the pantry area.  One of my favorite parts.

This is my other favorite part, the bar.  Wine cooler goes in the space on the right, just waiting for a little bit of trim to go up.  Who's ready for some margaritas???

The bedroom.

We are waiting for a stair company to build our banisters for Steve to install and then we will be ready for carpet.  Not too much longer!