Nobody Said This Was Going to be Easy

Kyle reading with Willie.

Tonight has been the hardest night of my all my nights as a parent. I haven't had many, so the competition isn't stiff. I'm not talking about hard nights like when my father passed away or the night I found out he had cancer. Those are obviously the worst, most terrible, hope I never have to go through that again nights. Tonight has been the hardest to handle as a parent, watching your child wrangle with the realities of life...and death...and not being able to protect him.

Our beloved dog Willie has taken a turn for the worse tonight. He's an old dog, 15 years as of Christmas Eve, and nothing less than a member of our family. I noticed he was increasingly not feeling well throughout the day and tonight he has gotten so he can't get up. We have put him on a comforter with room for the boys to snuggle with him. No one has left his side since we noticed he couldn't get up. Willie is deaf so words of consoling wouldn't do much good, but I explained to all of the kids that the best thing for them to do would be to pet him and show him they love him. It's just a sad, sad night.

The hardest part was watching Kyle wrestle with these emotions. I might have made a mistake tonight telling him that if we take him to the vet tomorrow, we may have to put him to sleep. I'm not sure if that was the right thing to do, but I felt like Kyle understood how much pain he is in and the loving thing to do would be to put him our of his misery. Tears and sobs followed, with choking unintelligible words. I sat there with him, one hand rubbing Kyle's back and the other rubbing Willie's head, feeling quite helpless. My little boy wanted me to protect him, save him, and I couldn't. Once he was able to calm down, he said he thought we should put Willie to sleep. Heartbreaking.

One ray of sunshine throughout this has been to love and compassion my children have shown towards our dear dog Willie tonight. We took some photos of the boys with him, Kyle taking a book and reading with him all night, and Lance's answers to all Willie's woes. He first asked me if we could give him a pill to make him feel better, washing it down with some Sprite (a trick he tried with Lance this afternoon after an allergic reaction to an apple). Before he went to bed, he was convinced Willie had a splinter. If only!

So I leave you with a very sick dog and hope that some miracle has him up tomorrow. Until then, I will share these sweet photos with you.

Trent (top) and Lance with Willie.

PS Thank you Kathleen for your kind words of wisdom from which this entry is titled.