Man, Woman and Child's Best Friend

Willie 1994-2010

This has been such a hard weekend. The tears which flowed freely have slowly been replaced by an empty void. No wagging tail to greet us at the door, no lumps of fur to trip over in the night and no warm pillow to lay on as we watch TV. Tough on all of us. We miss Willie so much.

The timing wasn't exactly perfect. Friday morning we had a weather-related two-hour school delay and Steve left with Willie about an hour before the kids were to leave for school. I had to take Trent to the eye doctor to fix his glasses and the plan was I to drop them off at school before I got home. Unfortunately, plans change and the doctor's office took a lot shorter than I expected, so I came home and planned to let the kids get on the bus. Steve walked in about five minutes before the kids left, thinking I had already dropped them off...without Willie. Predictably, tears from Trent and sobs from Kyle. I ended up taking them to school (they still wanted to go), and talking to Kyle's teacher just to let her know about the morning's unfortunate events.

Kyle's day was filled with a New Year's party at school and he immersed himself in a two hundred page book when he got home. Once he was told it was time to turn out the lights and go to sleep, the sobs returned. A year and a half ago when our dog Spencer died, he was sad but Willie's death has been totally different. I'm not sure if it's because he knew more about how Willie died or if just his striking wisdom and maturity, but the news of Willie's death has really hit him hard. He asked for a lock of Willie's hair to remember him and interestingly Steve was given one at the vet's office. I think he thought it would give him more comfort than it did, but death is kinda that way.

I remember when my dad died the warm thoughts, words and prayers people were so kind to offer for comfort. The outpouring of love was amazing and I swear I will always remember how fortunate I am to have the best friends and family, especially during tough moments. But after 4 years I have learned one thing about grief, nothing makes it easy. A hug is comforting, but the pain of loss lingers forever.

As Kyle's mom, watching him go through this is heart-wrenching on so many levels. Knowing he understands death, knowing he's growing up, and, above all, knowing he's going to go through this again, it's all I can do to keep myself from crumbling to the floor with this knowledge and not being able to do anything about it.

A long time ago, I kept a journal of quotes which really hit home with me. The journal is long gone and the only one I remember is one from "The Little Prince":

One runs the risk of weeping a little, if one lets himself be tamed…

The deeper we love, the deeper we grieve.