Homeless Panic!

I took the babies and four year-old Lance to Alexandria today to meet my friend Jen and her children. We met at a park which was our second home when we lived there. Two of my children went to preschool there, I met my girlfriends there all the time for coffee and doughnuts, and I even went there in high school to play wallyball and swim. I know the place inside and out, I feel safe there.

My sense of safety was compromised as we arrived and I saw a homeless man sleeping on a picnic table about fifty feet from the playground. I hated myself for feeling so anxious. The bleeding heart liberal in me SO, SO wanted to not panic about the man innocently sleeping there. "Where else is he going to sleep?" I asked myself, trying to take pity on him. I didn't want Jen to see I had lost the "city" in me, acting as nonchalant as I could, knowing I hadn't seen a homeless person in a couple of years and my "Mama Bear" instincts of protecting my cubs were kicking in. I had to convince myself mentally I was okay with allowing my children, including my two babies, play within feet of this man.

Jen, in the meantime, doesn't see the guy until five minutes after we arrive. She shows no signs of complete panic, conflict or dismay. She is completely fine with him being there.

I was silently grateful Kyle and Trent weren't with us. I wasn't prepared to answer my own questions, much less theirs. While their questions would probably focus on this man's plight, my questions focused more on why I was so afraid. Scenarios ran through my mind of how I could gather all my children (two of whom couldn't walk and weigh about 50 lbs. combined) and run should this guy start to go mad. I tried to act cool, but in my mind this homeless man was really a nuisance and was ruining my fun with Jen.

Dammit! This just isn't like me! I'm a liberal and a city girl! I'm used to homeless people walking around! I've been panhandled more times than I can count! I should care about this man! I should be giving him to shirt off my back and a warm meal! I'm a liberal and a city girl...right? I have an "Obama '08" sticker on the back of my car for goodness sakes! What the heck is wrong with me???

So then the cops arrive... Someone has called the cops because they see a threat in this man innocently sleeping on the picnic table. It wasn't me, I swear, but I did find a since of relief that someone was going to do something. Until Jen comes over and says, "I want to go over to that guy and tell him to get up and walk away before the cops get to him." She says it over and over, but doesn't do it. I think she senses my hesitation. My response, "What are the cops going to do, arrest him? They are going to tell him to go away, that's it." My adrenaline starts to kick in as the cops walk closer to the guy and I sense a confrontation about to begin. I try not to stare but catch glimpses as the cops talk to the homeless man.

Of course, there are no confrontations and of course the guy gets up and walks away. The cops go their separate ways and the play date continues likes nothing has happened. Because nothing has happened!!! Jen and I don't speak about it again and we go get coffee, a typical ending to a typical play date.

Maybe from time to time, people need this kind of experience to get a reality check on their positions. While I can volunteer at my kids' schools, donate items to the local hospice, give to Heifer International and buy boxes and boxes of Girl Scout cookies, can I really say I am the non-biased, caring, giving person I aspire to be? Of course we all have inner prejudices, I just thought I was much more open-minded than my thoughts allowed this morning.

I still have a lot of learning to do.