I took the babies and four year-old Lance to Alexandria today to meet my friend Jen and her children. We met at a park which was our second home when we lived there. Two of my children went to preschool there, I met my girlfriends there all the time for coffee and doughnuts, and I even went there in high school to play wallyball and swim. I know the place inside and out, I feel safe there.
My sense of safety was compromised as we arrived and I saw a homeless man sleeping on a picnic table about fifty feet from the playground. I hated myself for feeling so anxious. The bleeding heart liberal in me SO, SO wanted to not panic about the man innocently sleeping there. "Where else is he going to sleep?" I asked myself, trying to take pity on him. I didn't want Jen to see I had lost the "city" in me, acting as nonchalant as I could, knowing I hadn't seen a homeless person in a couple of years and my "Mama Bear" instincts of protecting my cubs were kicking in. I had to convince myself mentally I was okay with allowing my children, including my two babies, play within feet of this man.
Jen, in the meantime, doesn't see the guy until five minutes after we arrive. She shows no signs of complete panic, conflict or dismay. She is completely fine with him being there.
I was silently grateful Kyle and Trent weren't with us. I wasn't prepared to answer my own questions, much less theirs. While their questions would probably focus on this man's plight, my questions focused more on why I was so afraid. Scenarios ran through my mind of how I could gather all my children (two of whom couldn't walk and weigh about 50 lbs. combined) and run should this guy start to go mad. I tried to act cool, but in my mind this homeless man was really a nuisance and was ruining my fun with Jen.
Dammit! This just isn't like me! I'm a liberal and a city girl! I'm used to homeless people walking around! I've been panhandled more times than I can count! I should care about this man! I should be giving him to shirt off my back and a warm meal! I'm a liberal and a city girl...right? I have an "Obama '08" sticker on the back of my car for goodness sakes! What the heck is wrong with me???
So then the cops arrive... Someone has called the cops because they see a threat in this man innocently sleeping on the picnic table. It wasn't me, I swear, but I did find a since of relief that someone was going to do something. Until Jen comes over and says, "I want to go over to that guy and tell him to get up and walk away before the cops get to him." She says it over and over, but doesn't do it. I think she senses my hesitation. My response, "What are the cops going to do, arrest him? They are going to tell him to go away, that's it." My adrenaline starts to kick in as the cops walk closer to the guy and I sense a confrontation about to begin. I try not to stare but catch glimpses as the cops talk to the homeless man.
Of course, there are no confrontations and of course the guy gets up and walks away. The cops go their separate ways and the play date continues likes nothing has happened. Because nothing has happened!!! Jen and I don't speak about it again and we go get coffee, a typical ending to a typical play date.
Maybe from time to time, people need this kind of experience to get a reality check on their positions. While I can volunteer at my kids' schools, donate items to the local hospice, give to Heifer International and buy boxes and boxes of Girl Scout cookies, can I really say I am the non-biased, caring, giving person I aspire to be? Of course we all have inner prejudices, I just thought I was much more open-minded than my thoughts allowed this morning.
I still have a lot of learning to do.
Friday, September 19, 2008
Saturday, September 13, 2008
I Didn't Realize I Lived in the Country...Until Now!
I'm in the checkout line of the grocery store yesterday with the twins and Lance our four year-old. While we're waiting for the woman ahead of us to finish, I load my groceries on the belt...a rotisserie chicken, some frozen veggies, and four gallons of milk. The woman was very friendly, flirting with the babies and talking to Lance about the ins and outs of being a big brother. The cashier, Betsy, who incidentally has taken a liking to our family and knows all of our children by name, says to the woman ahead of me, "Do you think their family go through a lot of milk?" The woman ahead of me laughs and I say, "Well normally I don't get my milk from here but I ran out before I could pick it up from my dairy co-op."
Let me explain. I order my milk, eggs, yogurt, ice cream and sometimes other items from a local dairy. All of their produce is organic and cheaper than at the store, plus I think it tastes SO much better! I order every other week and have to pick it up every other Tuesday. Sometimes we drink more milk than I ordered for those two weeks, so I was at the grocery store getting more milk to last until this Tuesday when I pick up more.
Okay, so back to the grocery store... I get up to Betsy and she asked me if I own a cow. At first I thought it was a little joke about how much milk I was purchasing as we tend to go through about a gallon a day, but she was being serious. She explained, "A lot of our customers share or lease a cow and get their milk from it." I explained my dairy co-op situation to her and she said that she guessed leasing a cow wouldn't be good for us since these were people who were looking for raw milk.
Ok...yuck!
Anyway, I left with my four gallons of milk and laughed. I have been called a cow (and worse) before and felt much like a cow while nursing, but I have never been asked if I own a cow before. I guess I really am in the country...sigh.
Let me explain. I order my milk, eggs, yogurt, ice cream and sometimes other items from a local dairy. All of their produce is organic and cheaper than at the store, plus I think it tastes SO much better! I order every other week and have to pick it up every other Tuesday. Sometimes we drink more milk than I ordered for those two weeks, so I was at the grocery store getting more milk to last until this Tuesday when I pick up more.
Okay, so back to the grocery store... I get up to Betsy and she asked me if I own a cow. At first I thought it was a little joke about how much milk I was purchasing as we tend to go through about a gallon a day, but she was being serious. She explained, "A lot of our customers share or lease a cow and get their milk from it." I explained my dairy co-op situation to her and she said that she guessed leasing a cow wouldn't be good for us since these were people who were looking for raw milk.
Ok...yuck!
Anyway, I left with my four gallons of milk and laughed. I have been called a cow (and worse) before and felt much like a cow while nursing, but I have never been asked if I own a cow before. I guess I really am in the country...sigh.
Monday, September 8, 2008
Hard, hard day
Steve and Spencer in 1994!Today was a long day.
One of those days you dread...restless sleep and anxiety the night before, wishing the morning would never come so you don't have to face the day. When the sun comes up over the mountain, your body becomes a knot of wrenching tightness. Today is the day, the day we have been dreading. Today is the day we lost our beloved dog.
Really it should be a sense of relief. Our Spencer, who we have had for 15 years since I was in college, was in pain and he wasn't going to get any better. His hips made it difficult for him to do the things he wanted to do and his quality of life was diminishing. It should be a comfort to know he is not suffering any longer, it should be a comfort to know he had a wonderful life, but it's not.
We made the oh-so difficult decision on Thursday to do it. We would have done it on Friday, but it was Kyle's birthday so we waited until today. I kept hoping his little ticker would give out before the day came, but he's a fighter! He made it until Monday, so now we have the chore of taking care of our little puppy-dog as good owners should.
I wanted to scream, "We can't do this!" I wanted to call Steve and tell him, "NO! Come home!" (Thank goodness for my husband who went with him to comfort him during his last breath. Honey, you are a good man!) We made the appointment, surely we could cancel it. This thought made it even harder to bear losing him, we could still have him here with us. It breaks my heart!
Kyle and Trent took it very hard. We told them when they came home from school that Spencer died while at the vet's office when the vet was trying to make him feel better. Not a lie... Just the omission that your parents made this decision. They cried and cried some more after we told them we couldn't go get another puppy. Thankfully we still have our loving, though slightly goofy, Willie to keep our spirits high and to save our house from feeling too empty.
Willie...poor Willie! He kept looking around the house all day. It broke my heart. Although he and Spencer haven't romped around for a long time, they looked out for one another. Willie seems a bit depressed, but aren't we all?
I keep telling myself we did the right thing. Spencer is out of pain, a pain from which he could not recover. Painlessness is comforting, but our loss will take a long time to heal.
Spencer, buddy, I miss you. I miss your constant knocks on the door to be let inside or out. I miss the clicks of your nails on the floor. I miss you cleaning up after the babies or prodding them for more Cheerios. I miss things about you I haven't even realized yet I miss. You were a great dog. Thank you for being a part of our family.
One of those days you dread...restless sleep and anxiety the night before, wishing the morning would never come so you don't have to face the day. When the sun comes up over the mountain, your body becomes a knot of wrenching tightness. Today is the day, the day we have been dreading. Today is the day we lost our beloved dog.
Really it should be a sense of relief. Our Spencer, who we have had for 15 years since I was in college, was in pain and he wasn't going to get any better. His hips made it difficult for him to do the things he wanted to do and his quality of life was diminishing. It should be a comfort to know he is not suffering any longer, it should be a comfort to know he had a wonderful life, but it's not.
We made the oh-so difficult decision on Thursday to do it. We would have done it on Friday, but it was Kyle's birthday so we waited until today. I kept hoping his little ticker would give out before the day came, but he's a fighter! He made it until Monday, so now we have the chore of taking care of our little puppy-dog as good owners should.
I wanted to scream, "We can't do this!" I wanted to call Steve and tell him, "NO! Come home!" (Thank goodness for my husband who went with him to comfort him during his last breath. Honey, you are a good man!) We made the appointment, surely we could cancel it. This thought made it even harder to bear losing him, we could still have him here with us. It breaks my heart!
Kyle and Trent took it very hard. We told them when they came home from school that Spencer died while at the vet's office when the vet was trying to make him feel better. Not a lie... Just the omission that your parents made this decision. They cried and cried some more after we told them we couldn't go get another puppy. Thankfully we still have our loving, though slightly goofy, Willie to keep our spirits high and to save our house from feeling too empty.
Willie...poor Willie! He kept looking around the house all day. It broke my heart. Although he and Spencer haven't romped around for a long time, they looked out for one another. Willie seems a bit depressed, but aren't we all?
I keep telling myself we did the right thing. Spencer is out of pain, a pain from which he could not recover. Painlessness is comforting, but our loss will take a long time to heal.
Spencer, buddy, I miss you. I miss your constant knocks on the door to be let inside or out. I miss the clicks of your nails on the floor. I miss you cleaning up after the babies or prodding them for more Cheerios. I miss things about you I haven't even realized yet I miss. You were a great dog. Thank you for being a part of our family.
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