Autobiography as a Haiku

This was an article I submitted to the Washington Post for their now-defunct "Autobiography as a Haiku" section. It was to describe yourself in 100 words or less. (I had trouble with keeping it below 100 words.) Alas, it wasn't selected but I can post whatever I want on my blog so here goes...

Typical Saturday morning… Husband in garage, our three boys outside playing, and me doing chores. Out the window, I see my baby start to cross the street oblivious to the nearing SUV. I run to save my precious baby, knowing I will never make it in time. The SUV misses him within inches. I scoop my baby up, scared as hell and grateful for his precious life.

Typical Saturday afternoon… We eat lunch, the baby sleeps, and our boys look for their next adventure. I continue to replay the day’s event in my head. This day was anything but typical.

My Guide to Bedrest

Bedrest stinks! Don't let anyone else tell you any different. My girlfriend, Kathleen, lives in Alabama so she spent a lot of time on the phone listening to my complains of boredom and frustration. She decided to try it out for herself. One Saturday morning, she told her husband she was on bedrest and he was on duty with their three girls. She snuggled in with the tv remote and stayed in bed until that afternoon. She said it was delightful and wouldn't hear any more of my complaints!



All kidding aside, bedrest stinks for everyone involved, but there are some things you can do to make it a little easier on yourself.

• Get some help - You are going to need someone despite your insistence you're fine. I had three older kids who needed attention and I couldn't manage more than a couple of hours with them alone. I was fortunate enough to have a husband who had some flexibility in his work schedule and in-laws who were there for us for four weeks. I never thought it would have to ask for so much help, but necessity breeds invention and we got creative with child care for a bit. We couldn't have done it without Phil and Joyce, my in-laws, but you will find some people who can help you.


• Change the scenery - I was fortunate enough to be able to do stairs once a day and reserved it for dinnertime so I could be with my family. By the time I was done, I was ready to get back in bed because I was so uncomfortable. Knowing I am the type of person who gets cabin fever, I made sure to change the room enough so it didn't seem like I was in bed all day. I got showered and got dressed, made my bed, and opened the blinds to let in the light. I didn't sleep much during the day, but was able to get a good night's sleep almost every night.


• Encourage visitors - I was fortunate enough many people wanted to come see me (maybe they were looking for the spectacle as people do when looking at a train wreck!). You are going to have to get over the fact people are coming up to your personal space and they are going to have to get over it as well. Our room is large enough we have a love seat in there where some people would sit, but most just sat or laid on the bed with me. The only person I met downstairs was my former boss, and you can make those exceptions too.


• Have fun - It may sound weird, but there are some fun things to do while on bedrest. I played a lot of games and read a lot of books with the kids. Steve brought picnic lunches up for us and Lance, they would spread out a blanket on the floor and picnic (Lance loved it). My friend, Chris, brought me lunch from my favorite place in town. The boys and I snuggled a lot and watched tv. It was nice to talk to them about their day since I couldn't be there.

You mean twins don't work like that???

My girlfriend, Lisa, and her seven year-old daughter, Sarah Beth, were out to our house this week. She is very enamoured with the babies and loves to hold them and play with them. She loves to talk about the fact they are twins, but one thing confounded her...

She saw that Luke had two teeth and Kate is still toothless. She asked me, "Who is older?" When I told her Kate was older by 11 minutes, she told me Kate should be the one with teeth. I think she thought that Kate will get a tooth and 11 minutes later Luke will get a tooth! Kate will poop and 11 minutes later, Luke will poop. Actually that DOES happen, but then Kate poops 11 minutes later and so on! :)

Silly Yak...Not Again!

I had an endoscopy this week. I wasn't nervous, the nurses laughed at me as they were prepping me because I was really looking forward to the nap. They were checking to see if I had Celaic Disease (pronounced Silly Yak), an intolerance to gluten, an ingredient most often found in breads, pastries and things made with flour. So I was off to a drug-induced nap!

Let me back up a bit. After I had Trent, I lost a ton of weight, had a lot of stomach cramping and other bad digestive issues all the time. I felt miserable! My GI doctor at the time did an endoscopy on me with the diagnosis of Celiac Disease. I went off gluten for a couple of months and felt tons better. I gradually started eating gluten again and felt fine until I had the twins. After the babies were born, I was miserable again. I went off gluten, felt better, and gradually started eating it again...no problem!

Until...Kyle started having problems. He was cramping up and had some different gastrointestinal problems. We took him to a specialist who performed an endoscopy on him. Fortunately he doesn't have Celiac Disease and the search continues for solving his little belly mystery. As I was talking to his doctor about my diagnosis and how I had been asymptomatic for a while, he said the tests are much better now than they were six years ago and I should get retested. Maybe I wasn't really a Celiac! What really woke me up was that people with Celiac Disease who continue to eat gluten are 20 times more likely to get small bowel cancer!!! That scared me! I needed answers and was ready for another nap...I mean, endoscopy!

I woke up to bad news. My doctor told me she has never seen someone she can tell has the disease without a biopsy. While she sent some biopsies to the lab, she said the damage in my small intestine was so bad she already knows I have Celiac Disease. I was bummed. I honestly thought it was hormonal. This sucks! I went out to lunch with Steve after the procedure and looked at the menu. Damn, damn, damn! I can't eat this, that, or the other! We drove by restaurants and I thought, "What am I going to eat there from now on?" No more ice cream cones, no more birthday cake!

I thought this will put a damper on my healthier eating habits, but I was wrong. I went to Wegman's after the diagnosis and found a huge section with gluten-free food. A bonus is that most of the stuff also is organic and without refined sugar. I'm not a big fan of pasta or pizza to begin with, so I won't miss those much. Sandwiches will be hard, I haven't found a tasty bread out there yet, but I can survive.

I resolve to be good about the diet but not neurotic. I won't worry if my friends don't want to invite me over for dinner because I'm too high maintenance, I gave up worrying about that about the time I had my third child! Going out to eat will be a challenge, but in a pinch I can always get a salad. Maybe I'll save money by not going out so much! Maybe I'll feel that much better as I eat better!

The diagnosis of my Silly Yak is not the end of the world! I need to realize the doctor could have found much worse and I am grateful she didn't. I vow to remember that as I eat my rice cakes and pass on the birthday cake.

Sneaky, sneaky!

You may have heard...I am trying to integrate healthy eating habits in my family. It's going pretty well, we have definitely been eating more fruits and veggies. The kids have even started getting into the habit of asking for them for snacks. I'm feeling pretty good about it! We've had our ups and downs though.

One "up":
This weekend I was making dinner. We were just having left-overs, cleaning out the fridge of all food not eaten from previous meals. I actually look forward to left-over nights, it's a time I get to see who liked what the best. It's a good tool for me. Anyway, I had this bag of two cucumber sticks and (what I thought was) a half of cucumber. Lance is really into eating cucumbers right now so these were going to go on his plate. As I examined the half cucumber, I realized it was zucchini instead. I thought, "Why not?" and prepared it as I did the cucumber earlier. He ate it like a champ, no questions! There was one moment I thought it was going to backfire when he made an ugly face as he ate a piece, but, as those of you with kids know, kids like to make ugly faces. This is especially true when their brothers are sitting across the table! Score one for mom!

One "down":
One of my new books has great recipes for kids. I decided to try a muffin recipe for breakfast last week. My friend Michelle said they were delicious. They have no refined sugar, whole-wheat flour, and lots of shredded apples and carrots. Healthy and delicious! I tried them and they were pretty good. As I was making them, I knew I was going to have to come up with a different name for them. Apple-Carrot Muffins was not going to go over very well. I called them "Superman Muffins" because they would make the boys so much more "super". I made twelve of them, I ate two and the dogs ate one. Nobody would touch them! Rats! They're here for another couple of days if you want to try them.